A stellar news day deserves stellar commentary. But this will have to do:
Seahawks fill two vital starting spots with two of the best available free agents — WR Sidney Rice (Minnesota) gets $41M over five years ($18M guaranteed) to become the No. 1 target for former Vikings teammate, QB Tarvaris Jackson, hired by the Seahawks Tuesday. Splendid move. LG Robert Gallery (Oakland) was an equally credible choice to fill the last hole in the OL, around $15M. Seahawks owner Paul Allen then agrees to pay off national debt, crippling U.S.’s political leadership’s ability to cripple the country.
Master vendor Rick Kaminski, 67, dies of brain aneurysm — As with Dave Niehaus, “Peanut Man” was almost impossible to encounter without grinning. From the dreary Kingdome days to the Safeco glories, Kaminski’s rapid patter and laser accuracy with bags of peanuts made him a delight for a couple generations of Mariners fans. Save the lame jokes about Rick being better than most Mariners pitchers; he injected authentic, non-digitized fun into the most dreadful afternoons and evenings.
Seahawks lose reliable PK Olindo Mare — His best potential replacement, Manchester United star Wayne Rooney, was just in town to play the Sounders, but did the Seahawks, who own the Sounders, think to make a move after the guy scores three goals? No. In the words of former Seahawks coach Jim Mora regarding Mare, ” . . . unacceptable.”
Announcing its new TV network, Pac-12 becomes media powerhouse: Not only is it a national network, but it is also six regional networks, televising 850 events starting in 2012. Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott also reveals he is replacing scandalized media baron Rupert Murdoch, but only after giving back Scotland Yard and 10 Downing Street.
Matt Hasselbeck gets three-year deal out of Tennessee Titans — Several former Seahawks executives in Titans office misread former Seahawks quarterback’s bio, believing him to be 25 instead of 35. Explains why they are ex-Seahawks executives.
MLB umpire makes worst game-deciding call since . . . last worst game-deciding call — Apparently instant replay is seen by MLB as the Kraken, the giant, roaring monster breathing marine foulness into the face of commissioner Bud Selig, who merely wipes his glasses clean with his tie. A brave man, but a stupid one.
Mariners end 17-game losing streak by crushing Yanks in NY, 9-2 — Every member of the 1899 Cleveland Spiders raised a toast to the preservation of their 24-game losing streak, history’s longest, after the credible threat posed by Seattle. Ichiro had four hits, demonstrating he is ready for the pressure of the non-pennant race. After the game it was revealed that Felix Hernandez was nearly traded to the Yankees straight up for ex-M’s starter Freddy Garcia. The ever-backward-looking Mariners’ rationalization: Getting Garcia worked 13 years ago.
Manchester United 4, MLS All-Stars 0 –– For their concluded preseason tour of the U.S., Red Devils outscore MLS teams by a combined 18-2. After the game, agreement announced for next season in which Harlem Globetrotters agree to loan to MLS the Washington Generals stooge team.
Oh, yeah, a no-hitter — Ervin Santana (6-8), mostly a second thought this season, no-hits Indians 3-1 as Angels make AL West a two-team race. But the Mariners proudly figure out a way to be the biggest baseball news story of the day.